just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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