eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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