I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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