she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
These tits shall not be calmed
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
