Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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