Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
