Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
