My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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