There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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