Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
