I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
