Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.

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(631): View more from New York

My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud

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(361): View more from Texas

yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.

(361): View more from Texas

I just can't bring boyfriends home.

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(434): View more from Virginia

NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

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(248): View more from Michigan

You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.

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(+33): View more from France

He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands

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(416): View more from Toronto

Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke

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(513): View more from Ohio

Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...

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(309): View more from Illinois

i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.

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