So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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