ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You don't make any sense
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