stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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