it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
