AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
