Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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