so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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