Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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