i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
