I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize