I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I bet he comes in French.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
