i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
