I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
ttyl tear gas
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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