I think I died a long time ago.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
