Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
