i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
