you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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