oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
