I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
