well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
