There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
