I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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