She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
