as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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