her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
