The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
