So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
