A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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