You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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