If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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