Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
