i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize