Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
