Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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