I swear she didn't look like that last week.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
