I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
