I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
