the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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