OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize