; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
