listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
