I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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