My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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