I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
