I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
