i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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