either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
