You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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