You're so nebulous sometimes
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
