ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
