Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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