Banned from zoo.
Again?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
