I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize