Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
