I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
