Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
