If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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